Diagnosis

I thought I'd start with some things I found on the internet... Annoyingly there is very little humour from sufferers of mental illlness on there at the moment. Hopefully this blogsite will help to change that.

THE 12 WARNING SIGNS OF GOOD HEALTH*

(If several or more appear, you may rarely need to visit a doctor.)

1. Regular flare-ups of a supportive network of friends and family.

2. Chronic positive expectations.

3. Repeated episodes of gratitude and generosity.

4. Increased appetite for physical activity.

5. Marked tendency to identify and express feelings.

6. Compulsion to contribute to society.

7. Lingering sensitivity to the feelings of others.

8. Habitual behaviour related to seeking new challenges.

9. Craving for peak experiences.

10. Tendency to adapt to changing conditions.

11. Feelings of spiritual involvement.

12. Persistent sense of humor.

*Adapted from a posting on a computer bulletin board in Waldport, Oregon, author unidentified. Reprinted in Whole Earth Review (Winter 1994), a compendium of brash thinking and lofty ideas.

Initial Assessments

1. When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."

"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

2. "Doctor, doctor, I'm manic-depressive."

"Calm down. Cheer up. Calm down. Cheer up. Calm..."

3. "You can learn alot about paranoids, just by following them around."

4. The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?


5. Patient: How do tell if someone is mentally ill?
Dr Quack: They have delusions that they are well.
Patient: What's your condition then?
Dr Quack: Er...!

6. "You say Psycho like it's a bad thing!"