A Quick Game....

Here's one you might like to try out which I play with friends of mine.

THE SITUATION: You wake up with your friends in a psychiatric ward. 

THE RULES: Using no more and no less than four words each time and taking it in turns, try having a conversation relevant to your situation. Any number of people can join in. 

Purest will argue that the use of words such as "let's", "we've" and "you're" are forms of cheating as they should be "let us", "we have"  and "you are"... frankly it's (it is) up to you how difficult you want to make it. 

Remember anything can or could happen in a psychiatric hospital and not everything may be as it seems.

Here's an example I've concocted of a conversation between just two people. 

- We're back here again.

- Which are the staff?

- Damned if I know.

- Can't you even guess?

- You're Einstein - you guess!

- I'm Sigmund Freud today.

- Then you should know.

- I should know what?

- Which ones are staff.

- Where is this place?

- The local psychiatric hospital.

- Or so you believe.

- You think it's not?

- Never mind my thoughts.

- That's not like you.

- You've an interesting complex.

- You don't say, Einstein.

- Please, call me Sigmund.

- Sigmund Einstein! That's ridiculous!

- Let's try a game.

- What sort of game?

- A word association game.

- In only four words?

- I beg your pardon?

- A plea of mercy.

- Sorry, I don't follow.

- Regret for not pursuing.

- Oh! I see now.

- Crikey. Things currently visual.

- You think we've started.

- Ponderous beginnings between us.

- Ok, let's stop now.

PS: Try not to be like me and jump in with as many four word sentences as you can think of when it's not your turn... the other player(s) get annoyed!!!

How to exasperate a psychiatrist

Medical Stress

Top Ten Signs You Are Approaching Burn-Out
For psychologists and mental health workers by Storm A. King

10. You think of the peaceful park you like as “your private therapeutic milieu.”

9. You realize that your floridly psychotic patient, who is picking invisible flowers out of mid air, is probably having more fun in life than you are.

8. A grateful client, who thinks you walk on water, brings you a small gift and you end up having to debrief your feelings of unworthiness with a colleague.

7. You are watching a re-run of the “Wizard of Oz” and you start to categorize the types of delusions that Dorothy had.

6. Your best friend comes to you with severe relationship troubles, and you start trying to remember which cognitive behavioral technique has the most empirical validly for treating this problem.

5. You realize you actually have no friends, they have all become just one big case load.

4. A co-worker asks how you are doing and you reply that you are a bit “internally preoccupied” and “not able to interact with peers” today.

3. Your spouse asks you to set the table and you tell them that it would be “countertherapeutic to your current goals” to do that.

2. You tell your teenage daughter she is not going to start dating boys because she is “in denial”, ”lacks insight.” and her “emotions are not congruent with her chronological age.”

And, the number one reason you may be burning out....

1. You are packing for a trip to a large family holiday reunion and you take the DSM-IV* with you “just in case.”


*DSM-IV - Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - 4th Edition.


Surely that should be DSMMD but hey, who can fathom the logic of mental health professionals? 

Slightly Mad

The latest theory is that everyone is slightly mad in that we all suffer from something not quite right. The reason for this is that no one can decide and fewer can agree on what is 'quite right'!

Love this one. I hope you do too.

Phone for Help...

Once again I found this on the web... who says people who've been mentally ill don't have a sense of humour. I've retained mine thanks! Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer. If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on line. If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000. If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Doctors don't always get it right...

Hospital Discharge

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"


Mental Hospital Interview
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society.

"So, Mr. Clark," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?"

The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it's like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately."

Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities."

The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot."

Psychiatry & Proctology
Two Doctors opened offices in a small town and put up signs reading Dr Smith and Dr Jones "Psychiatry and Proctology." The town council were not too happy with the sign and so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors". This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council they changed the sign to " Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". The town didn't like that either and countered with " Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again.
By now the story appeard in the local paper and suggestions began rolling in:
"Manic-depressives and anal retentives"
"Minds and Behinds"
"Lost souls and Assholes"
"Analysis & Anal Cysts"
"Nuts & Butts"
"Freaks & Cheeks"
"Loons & Moons
None of these satisfied one or the other side, but they finally settled on
"Dr Smith & Dr Jones, Odds & Ends".

The Developing Self

Another one I found on the web. Knowing our own hypocrisy as well as what is truly awful by way of behaviour and attitude I think is the first step in growth. The second is to try to do something about it. I have to say number four hit home for me recently! I think this list could almost be read as a test of our own faults. What resolutions for the New Year would you make?

How To Get Ahead In Life

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.

5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.

7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.

8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.

9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.

10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.

14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.

17. I am at one with my duality.

18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

21. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

22. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

23. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear browsing the web. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

24. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute. . . . I'll find someone.

25. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

26. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

27. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.

28. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

29. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

30. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.