Doctors don't always get it right...

Hospital Discharge

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"


Mental Hospital Interview
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society.

"So, Mr. Clark," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?"

The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it's like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately."

Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities."

The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot."

Psychiatry & Proctology
Two Doctors opened offices in a small town and put up signs reading Dr Smith and Dr Jones "Psychiatry and Proctology." The town council were not too happy with the sign and so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors". This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council they changed the sign to " Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". The town didn't like that either and countered with " Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again.
By now the story appeard in the local paper and suggestions began rolling in:
"Manic-depressives and anal retentives"
"Minds and Behinds"
"Lost souls and Assholes"
"Analysis & Anal Cysts"
"Nuts & Butts"
"Freaks & Cheeks"
"Loons & Moons
None of these satisfied one or the other side, but they finally settled on
"Dr Smith & Dr Jones, Odds & Ends".